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More specifically, the advent of Hurricane Katrina led to a number of environmental stressors for example, unemployment, prolonged separation that negatively impacted intimate relationships for many couples, though other couples' relationships grew stronger as a result of new employment opportunities, a greater sense of perspective, and higher levels of communication and support. When he invited me back to his place, I agreed to go. At his apartment, things escalated quickly. Before I really had time to process, he had undressed and pulled me into bed. I felt like a human Fleshlight as he rammed into me, my head banging against his bedroom wall repeatedly. My body went limp and I stared at the ceiling until he finished, rolled over and closed his eyes without touching me or talking to me.

After a few minutes of silence, I got up, put my clothing on and left, barely exchanging a word with him. About a year before that, I went on a second date with an accomplished book editor. He was smart and kind of nerdy, and I was excited about him. Our date happened to be near my apartment, which he knew, and he invited himself over after we finished grabbing food. He agreed that it was too early and came up for a nightcap anyway. He got up and went to the bathroom, and I assumed it was clear that we were done for the evening. When he came back to my room, I was still lying in bed, partially undressed. He stood over me and began masturbating.

I did counting exercises in my head until he came onto my stomach, got a paper towel, wiped my skin off and left. I want to be clear: I do not believe that either of these encounters qualifies as sexual assault, nor do I think that the men involved were being intentionally thoughtless or harmful. But in both of these cases, I ended the night feeling gross and a bit violated. I wondered why I had let these men into my private space or entered theirs. I wondered why so little care or attention had been paid to my verbal and nonverbal cues of discomfort and disinterest. I wondered whether or not these men were rehashing these concerns, too.


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